Jonathan Lim/

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12:48 AM

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The End

    I wish i had a remote for time, going back and enjoying every moment we spent together, replaying all the beautiful moments we had together, and skipping all the nightmares we went through but its obvious now that even if i did all this now, it'll all be for nothing. Its useless to love now, loving someone knowing that she will never love me back as much and appreciate everything that i have done and sacrificed for her. I tought i have finally found the one i have been searching for my whole life, someone that could love me and be willing to sacrifice everything just the spend a few extra minutes with me, but knowing the truth now is killing me slowly. I never knew knowing the truth could hurt so much, its unbearable, its not going away, its haunting me, sucking the life and every happiness outta me. All my hopes shattered right in front of my eyes as tears roll down my face. Just when i tought everything was going to be fine and things would work out but i guess i was wrong all along. Now i'm all alone, wishing that the pain will never go away because the hurt and sufferings are the only thing that reminds me that she existed in my life.

   I know in time i will be forgotten along with all the memories which was only a waste of time to her but the memories i've had with her will be nailed to my thoughts, i dont want to forget her, i dont want to apart from her but i guess its just not possible. How i wish there was someone here to comfort me, to let me know that i'm not alone, but there isnt. I'm all alone suffering here with nobody to look to, nobody to share my feelings to, even God seems to have disappeared from my life. I wish He was here at least to hold me, to show Himself and tell me that everything will be alright but i guess even that will never happen. Now, even my last hope is gone.

   No one would ever know the hurt i feel in my heart. The pain that hurts me right to my soul. If only there was someone that could understand how i feel and all i'm going through, if only anyone knew how much i love her and how much she means to me. What have i done to deserve all this? Why do i have to go through all this? All this pain hurts me so much that i'm suffering to even breathe, gasping for air like someone drowning in the waters. But i guess its useless to even hope or wish for anything now when i've already lost everything. I'm as good as dead now, if only i could be, dead.

   "There's one day I will prove we'll never part, I'd wrap myself around your heart, melting together. Passion and pleasure beginning anew. I love you. In your arms, you'd know by the look in my eyes that I'm yours. You'd belong to me. And smart people will know that I belong to you".   -This is the msg that brought me to tears when i read it. But i guess now that even this dosent mean anything anymore, that all she said really never meant anything to her when she said it. All i tought was her love for me, was a lie all along. Just another girl, running in and out of my life.
But even then, i dont regret being with her, loving her. Even when it only ended up another heartbreak. I already loved her, i still do love her, and i will always love her.

Labels: Broken