Jonathan Lim/

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11:08 PM

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Near Death Experience

Today, as usual the ktm was being a whore. 4 trains was passing here and there on one single track so it lead to me having to wait for the sky to fall. When the train finally arrived, it was packed with people and others on the outside was pushing their way in, even the ladies coach was filled with men. As we passed stations, more and more people squished in till it was difficult to even breathe. Halfway from KL Cental to Angkasapuri, the train stopped in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly, a white light shook from out of the blue but everyone thought it was just the lightning outside as it was raining. Next thing we knew, hard knocks went about the roof of the train. Everyone assumed it was just probably some rocks or birds but the hard knockings continued for about 3minutes then everything went blackout after that. I swear I thought that it was some ghost doing all this crap. Then I heard a lady shout at the peak of her voice from the front coach and people from the front coach was pushing and rushing to get to the middle coach. Then I knew something was wrong so me and a few other strangers tried to break the glasses on the side of the train but it was rock solid. I tried punching and elbowing(that was when I got electrocuted) while others tried to kick it open till some dumb ass uncle came and tried to break the glass with his umbrella saying "tepi, tepi, biar saya pecah", manatau the end result was his umbrella pecah first. Then 2 doors at the back opened and everyone rushed and pushed their way through not bothering about others. As I followed the crowd, I could see some crying while some retarded people laughing, I didn't know whether to help the crying ones or the slap the shit outta the laughing ones, so I just ignored. As I reached the door, only I realized everyone had to jump from 6 feet high so I went with it and tried to help the others get down. When all was out, some morons was still taking pictures while the idiotic ktm staff was smoking watching the movie. It was then only I heard people saying that there was smoke coming out of the first coach and it almost caught on fire, also, when I saw the train, it was tilted to the left like it was going to collapse but it didn't in the end. Everybody then walked on the tracks all the way to Angkasapuri station in the rain.
Conclusion: The mother-fucking prime minister should take the ktm everyday and let him "enjoy" the pleasures of being molested, squeezed, pushed, robbed and... just die lah that fucking whore.

6:29 AM

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Frustrations

Its so hard to just stop thinking. Every single night, it takes hours just to finally doze off into sleep. Everything I do, I just can't seem to focus and everywhere I go, I've got to put on a fake smile. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, everything I do is always wrong so I guess its best to just not do anything at all. How I wish things were as before, when everything was so good, when life actually seemed to have given me a break, when I'm finally smiling for no reason at all. Even in just a few days, she could make me feel as if its heaven on earth. Now, I'm ignored and pushed away as if I just never existed. Yes, it hurts ever so badly. If only there was a way that I could make things better, I swear I would. Now, every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat, hoping it was her but as always, its never her. I want to talk to her so badly but whenever she is right in front of me, I just don't know what to say. Everytime she comes around the corner, I don't know if I should smile or hide my face. I care about her but I guess I that just cared too much. I'm trying so hard to stop thinking, but I don't wanna forget her. I really am just so lost right now. I need to be left alone.
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12:05 AM

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Depressions

I do not know what to do anymore. I am so confused, so frustrated and so so depressed. I'm in another state of mind, lost and unable to find my way to the exit. I'm left hanging like a frame on the wall, without any directions and with nothing to hold on to except for the slightest faith I still have left. Today was not such a good day for me, but at least I know some truth now and yes, as always, the truth hurts. When she told me all those, I could feel the glued-back pieces of my heart cracking all over again. Bit by bit, sorrow by sorrow, I'm slowly fading away into the dark again where I belong. I really have true unconditional feelings for her but I do not have the chance to show it, at least not in a way she would realize. I am so afraid of losing someone again, especially someone as special as her. She says "I don't see anything so special/attractive about me" and the answer I held to myself was "you may think you're not all that but you seriously don't know how much you mean to me". If she would ever ask me "how much are you willing to sacrifice for me?", I would gladly reply "I would probably show you better than i can tell you". She doesn't know how much she is worth in my eyes, if only she gave me the chance to show her, I would be satisfied because at least then, I know I tried my best and that she knows how much she is worth to me.

For now, Miss X, I only want you to know that no matter what the situation is, I'll be right here for you if you ever need me. And, you probably would not realize anymore but, I wont give up. I'm going to continue proving myself, even if you don't ever notice it.

Loves,
Jonathan

11:03 PM

Monday, June 7, 2010

yet another broken heart

Just when i thought it was all finally over, the heartbreaks and the sorrows ended. Another surprise struck from out of nowhere. Now I'm left here again, broken and lost, not knowing what to do next or who to talk to. I was hoping she would be different, that she would understand how I would feel. I don't blame her, its not her fault she has so many perfect choices and that i turned out to be the least perfect one. I was really trying my very best to gain her attention, but i guess even that wasn't enough. I was hoping that everything would be fine, everything would run smooth, for once in my life. It started good at first, and she was actually one person in my entire life who actually showed that she cared and makes me smile at every sight of her. How can i smile anymore without anyone to give me an excuse to smile for no reason? Only she could do that. Now I have to put on a fake smile everywhere i go. I wish things were different, that she actually gave me a chance to prove myself as time passes. I guess I asked for this, she warned me but i was too stubborn. Still, I do not regret anything, at least I found joy in my life, for a while.
For now, I seriously just give up on girls, I am so sick and tired of hearing the same word repeated by every female which is "sorry". I am just really so confused and frustrated by all this crap. At first, i was annoying, then i was liked, after that I'm left hanging in the rain.
I don't know whats what anymore. I need get some fresh air and try to find peace from the night sky.
guess thats all from this chapter.
goodbye.

4:13 AM

Saturday, June 5, 2010

You Brighten Up My Life

Life is getting better and better as days pass on ahead. I don't know how my life at this moment would be if Ms.X wasn't around, It'd probably suck so bad that I'd wanna jump off a cliff... She brightens up my everyday no matter how sucky it could be, she is like my everyday coffee. Everytime I see her I forget that I'm bored, thirsty or dead tired. Its like as if all my burdens lifts up at the sight of her. Gosh, she is not the ordinary typical girl you meet all around but I guess thats what makes her so darn special and attractive. I'm trying my best to gain her attention the extend of waiting all night and day for her just to talk to her or go for a simple little dinner. Thats how much she means to me right now. She is a "dangerous" girl but I guess whats life without taking risks right? I hope everything goes well and I don't end up getting all broken down into pieces again. We seem to have lotsa things in common, so i guess thats a good start and I'm trying to maintain it that way, good... Its hard, but still... I guess theres so much i'd sacrifice for her willingly... I hope she realizes how much she actually means to me.
Thats all for now... =)
night guys, cheers*