Jonathan Lim/

Welcome and thank you for visiting... =p cheers* hope you enjoy what you see

12:34 AM

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hope

   Even as promises were broken and dreams shattered, i still choose to have Hope... All i am doing now is trying to hide the pain i feel inside so that people wouldnt know how sad i am but i guess i actually suck at that. Even my colleagues at my workplace can actually see how hurt and restless i am. Who am i kidding, I cant forget her, not even abit no matter how much i try. Filling all my time with only work and church but yet its effecting it all.

   Everyone really knows i dont regret loving her, how could i? yes she has hurt me alot, but she has made me happy just as much. Wasting her time just to see me from day to day at every chance she gets. No matter what she has done, she will still be the one i love the most in this lifetime and thats just not going to change. I love her and thats final.

   I do not blame her for hurting me. Everyone has flaws, their own imperfection and its all just about acceptance and tolerance. I've hurt her too, alot and i dont deny that, probably even just as much as me but i guess we'll just never know.

   These few days not having her around is just killing me. The toughts of our good and bad memories haunt me all thought my days. I really miss the warm hugs i used to have, her in my arms holding me tight and not wanting me to ever let go. I need her so badly, i need her love cuz i'm slowly fading away into dust.

    Vivien, you are the only person i love now and always. I love you.

Loves,
Jon

5:07 AM

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Cintaku Telah Lenyap

12:48 AM

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The End

    I wish i had a remote for time, going back and enjoying every moment we spent together, replaying all the beautiful moments we had together, and skipping all the nightmares we went through but its obvious now that even if i did all this now, it'll all be for nothing. Its useless to love now, loving someone knowing that she will never love me back as much and appreciate everything that i have done and sacrificed for her. I tought i have finally found the one i have been searching for my whole life, someone that could love me and be willing to sacrifice everything just the spend a few extra minutes with me, but knowing the truth now is killing me slowly. I never knew knowing the truth could hurt so much, its unbearable, its not going away, its haunting me, sucking the life and every happiness outta me. All my hopes shattered right in front of my eyes as tears roll down my face. Just when i tought everything was going to be fine and things would work out but i guess i was wrong all along. Now i'm all alone, wishing that the pain will never go away because the hurt and sufferings are the only thing that reminds me that she existed in my life.

   I know in time i will be forgotten along with all the memories which was only a waste of time to her but the memories i've had with her will be nailed to my thoughts, i dont want to forget her, i dont want to apart from her but i guess its just not possible. How i wish there was someone here to comfort me, to let me know that i'm not alone, but there isnt. I'm all alone suffering here with nobody to look to, nobody to share my feelings to, even God seems to have disappeared from my life. I wish He was here at least to hold me, to show Himself and tell me that everything will be alright but i guess even that will never happen. Now, even my last hope is gone.

   No one would ever know the hurt i feel in my heart. The pain that hurts me right to my soul. If only there was someone that could understand how i feel and all i'm going through, if only anyone knew how much i love her and how much she means to me. What have i done to deserve all this? Why do i have to go through all this? All this pain hurts me so much that i'm suffering to even breathe, gasping for air like someone drowning in the waters. But i guess its useless to even hope or wish for anything now when i've already lost everything. I'm as good as dead now, if only i could be, dead.

   "There's one day I will prove we'll never part, I'd wrap myself around your heart, melting together. Passion and pleasure beginning anew. I love you. In your arms, you'd know by the look in my eyes that I'm yours. You'd belong to me. And smart people will know that I belong to you".   -This is the msg that brought me to tears when i read it. But i guess now that even this dosent mean anything anymore, that all she said really never meant anything to her when she said it. All i tought was her love for me, was a lie all along. Just another girl, running in and out of my life.
But even then, i dont regret being with her, loving her. Even when it only ended up another heartbreak. I already loved her, i still do love her, and i will always love her.

Labels: Broken

1:25 AM

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Whole New Start

   A new year, a whole new start for us. This is our chance to make changes in out life for the better, to learn lessons from the past and avoid repeating it again. As each year passes by, we become more and more mature(at least for some of us =x) and should gain more and more experience about life and how much it could suck, but of course, not if u know how to enjoy it to the fullest. Life isnt just about making money, babies and dying. There is more to life than it seems, its our opportunity to enjoy ourselves and make full use of each moment in our lives.

   We should also learn to let go of the past and all the bad times that had us by the neck. i am not saying we should forget everything from the past but not till the extent of crying over spilt milk. Instead we should learn from our past mistakes and embrace each wonderful moment we had in the past and keep it safe in the box labeled "memories" inside your head. Not all things from the past are bad, cuz we wouldnt even be here if it wasnt for our past in the first place. No past, no present(get what i mean right? lawls)

   For most of us by now we should already know that like really sucks, that there are always barriers keeping us from being what we were meant to be. On the other hand, look at it this way, its just another chance allowing us to prove ourself worthy to not let life get a hold of us and rising up all the way to the top, proving wrong everyone that has look down on us for the years behind. We should not allow others to take advantage of us and step on us like we mean nothing. All of us are on this planet for a reason, for a hidden purpose, sometimes it may be right under your nose and you wont even realise it.

    Each of us has potential to be a someone in this world, its only if you are able to let yourself shine into the heart of others. The shouldnt be a reason for us to hide behind the shadows of others, hiding ourselves and the now allowing ourselves from showing the true US... Every life, every creature, every soul should be thanked for. Our lives are a blessing from God above, and we should ignore Him as he tries to talk to us, open your heart to him and i promise you, u wont regret it. =) cheers*

Labels: Life

2:04 AM

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A person who comes along

Hello.
Does anyone flashback what they've done in the year of 2009? 2009 was a brilliant year for me, theres something and some people i didn't expect to come along. It was just like a dream, a beautiful dream that i never had. It was amazing, but its even greater when you've met someone who love you so much. Someone who takes whatever reason just to see you smile.

I had my last moment in 2009 with the person i care and love the most. A memory that i won't ever want to forget and it was just a good starts for another year coming ahead. It was not surprisingly to know there is a guy who would love you for so long, tried so hard to get you as his girlfriend. But it was so unexpected to know that he would be the guy who came to my life, unexpected that he is already part of my life that I can't live without. I knew i didn't make a wrong choice, but i want things to be more perfect. As i want to mention, he was one of the guys who liked me for years.

There's the moment i was trying to let go, move on and believe that i want to live without him. We constantly fight, fight for small little things but every each time makes us even more closer. There's a month was like a scary nightmare, we fought a lot and didn't really talk for few days. There was a moment i thought it was the end.... but it wasn't. It was just an experience that made us closer, an experience to learn how to appreciate each other more. In fact that there's nothing going on smoothly in every relationship, conflicts and third party will always be there. Frankly speaking, he isn't completely mine but he is taken and not available. Everyone knows, still, respect is another important thing.

I believe LOVE is a very strong word, love is something to keep each other together. We cannot hold on something that wasn't destined to be yours, but hold it tight when it already belongs to you. I appreciate for whatever he had done for me, love me like no body else can. I'm sorry for disappointing you and hurting you all the time when i'm not suppose to. But you're the best thing which came along my life in year 2009.

I love you <3. Your baby speaking.
Good night.

Labels: I love you